Intoxicated Teen walks on subway tracks

In spite of the obvious dangers of taking a walk on train tracks, can you believe that there are very few (if any) signs in the NYC subway system that actually tell you not to do that?

It was a Friday night, and I was playing at 42nd Street Times Square Station on the Red Line. I had a foot long transparent vase I used as my tip jar. Though I was pouring my heart out on the guitar, I was falling way below my average when it actually came to tips--maybe because the vase was so transparent that it was invisible.

Then I was approached by a dazed looking teenager. He used gestures to ask me if I he can play my guitar (he wasn't really speaking). I figured I wasn't making money anyway, so letting him have a few strums wouldn't hurt. After about 4 seconds of that, he thanked me with a smile, and walked off.

Before I knew it, I heard gasps from the audience as they were all watching this young man (instead of me) walking on the train tracks as if he were taking a stroll in the park. Calm as ever, he was walking straight towards the direction that the train would come from. The air was filled with the sounds of the commuters gasping and pulling out their phones to record it.

For what seems like the most suspensful forty seconds of my entire subway performing career, he strolled further and further until a brave sould jumped in behind him to try and save his life.

A girl's voice from the crowd screamed, "Oh my God...look at the other one!"

With absolutely no resistance or struggle, the good Samaritan gently guided this train track pedestrian on to the platform's edge which they both climbed together. After a brief sigh of relief, much of the audience was glad he made it to safety. They let comic relief set in and allowed themselves to laugh at the situation and at how scare they were.

Who knows what would have happend if no one pulled him to safety? Him being run over by the train was everyone's worst fear, but it'd be just as shocking (pardon the pun) if he accidently touched the high voltage power rail by accident.

Meanwhile, a hero's name goes unsung. The person who saved the guy did his deed with only the recognition in himself that his own good will and bravery preserved the life of another.

As for our rail diver, I don't think a sign saying "Do not walk on the train tracks" would have even bothered him. From the moment I saw him, it was obvious he was high as a kite on SOMETHING.

Question of the day: What would you have done if you witnessed someone walking on the train tracks of the subway? What if they fell?

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I'm Guitaro 5000 and I'm a subway performer. Everyday at work is a new adventure. TO be updated on the next story, click on the "Follow" button --------------------->

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Bananas in Pajamas [Flashback]

I hop off the PATH train system and arrive in NYC on a Friday night, ready to make a killing. Those Friday nights just never let me down!

But I'd be doomed if I didn't pay a visit to the $1 pizza parlor on 14th street and 6th avenue for a quick cheap meal and a greeting to Senor El Bano. Just as I'm ordering my slice, guess who's there? Elijah, my subway performing partner who was ready to break someone's arm from during our show the previous night (read "My Subway performing partner was ready to break someone's arm during our show"). We chowed down on Pizzas and decided to partner up for another successful (and hopefully violence free) show. He suggested West 4th street station, which was new to me but I decided you can't go wrong anywhere in Manhattan on a Friday night. Right?

Wrong. W4 Street SUCKED. BIG TIME. Almost as bad as minimum wage. So after two hours of that, we ended our shift and parted ways. He had to go to meet a girl, and I had to find a way to make some more money.

After hopping on the E train to 42nd Street Times Square station, I was very, VERY surprised by one particular commuter member who was VERY difficult not to notice.

I walked down the stairs to a man fully dressed in a deLICIOUS looking banana suit, waiting on the 2 train with his wife.

Handling my tip jar in his direction, the first thing I said to him was, "Sir, excuse me. Do you happen to have any extra...potassium?"

He and his wife, who was NOT dressed in a banana suit giggled. The Banana man said, "That was the best we heard all day," and Mrs Banana agreed.

"Do you know any great Banana songs?" he requested.

So I fumbled through the theme of Bananas in Pajamas, followed by Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours." and he did the best 7 minute banana shimmy I ever seen. The audience was well pleased and showed it with large amounts of tips.

Mr. Banana surely had something to do with my instant success. So just as his train arrived, I was going to offer to split some money with him. But before I could reach into my cup, Mrs. Banana handed me a $20 bill. WOWZA. Guess how many bananas I bought with that!

My subway performing partner was ready to break someone's arm during our show [Flashback]

[about two months ago from today]

It was a Thursday night and with my weapon drawn (guitar) I was hunting for a spot in the New York City Transit Subway to entertain commuters and earn their donations. I found myself at my favorite spot, union Sq on the L line, only it was already taken by my fellow subway performer Elijah. With no delaying we decided we should team up and divide our earnings at the end.

My funk rhythms combined with his lightening speed Latin guitar soloing were definitely winning this thin audience. The money was coming slow from this miniature crowd, but it was coming in big chunks--$5 and $20 bills were the popular ones in our money bin. After about two or three hours, we decided we made enough to stop playing and start celebrating a night's work well done. But we are musicians--the only way we know how to celebrate is to play more music. So after splitting the dead presidents, we decided to play yet another set, and this decision invited the gloomy event that will make today's story.

We got a fresh new audience and decided to get our last song in, but Elijah noticed a young 20 something man in the audience recording our performance with his fancy little credit card sized camcorder.

See, Elijah has a huge pet peeve when it comes to cameras--he wants never to be in anyone's recording without an official copyright agreement and a nicely sized check. So Elijah made his usual response: he walked out of the camera's line of sight and in a kind voice, he says, "Uh, sir, no recording."

This perplexes most people (usually greatly disappoints the camera man), but I and the audience are usually kindly to his preference enough to let it pass. On the contrary, this particular pocket camera vidoegrapher was a bit pissed enough to make his tiny tantrums noticeable from the bench he was sitting on.

We ended our song strumming the E minor chord and got a wonderful applause. So I follow with my usual end-of-song speech, "If you enjoyed that, please don't be afraid to come up and show us how much. And if your credit is bad, cash is also accepted."

But this time Elijah decided my speech was two short, so he held up two fists and said, "And if you're recording with attitude, I got two presents for you right here." He was obviously intending to comically tease our uninvited camera man.

This upset the man enough to return threats to Elijah that were a little more serious, to which Elijah replied with the same comical tone, "Boy, please. I will fart on you and kill you."

Immediately the L train arrived, which made timing perfect for our Mr. Camera to walk and talk tough in front of Elijah with a solid back up plan to run for the train if the situation got ugly. But his first move was to march toward Elijah, and that's when tension rose beyond repair

Elijah firmly planting his feet and fixing his bare muscular arms to his side at a slight angle, forsaking all humor saying "Boy, don't you come over here like you're gonna swing on me."

That was my cue to walk away, far away from this senseless quarrel.

Mr. Camerman reached for his pocket, proclaiming, "In one second you'll be dead!"

Elijah continually dared him, "Pull your weapon. Pull your weapon. I guarantee you'll regret it.

With the same threats being repeated, Mr. Cam inched more and more towards the train doors with Elijah following him and maintaining a steady 3 foot distance from Mr. Camera, ready to intercept any attack Mr. Cam had to offer.

Mr. Cam made it inside the train continuing to this repetitive exchange through the open train doors while Elijah was on the platform, for about another 30 seconds. The train door operator who had a clear view of this cold war was not closing the doors, and the volume between the contenders only escalated, their distance closing in closer and closer to each other.

Suddenly, two plain clothes men, one short and bulky, one tall and slender, rushed into the scene flashing NYPD badges and gripping the pistols on their waste. Without drawing weapons they immediately cuffed the ranty photographer.

Finally, the situation calmed down totally and verbal sparring was over. Elijah reassured me that he is a trained guard and a gold belt in Karate, and the attack would have been over before it began. The cops with Mr. Cam in cuffs gave the men a lecture on keeping peace, and told us our music was great.

Mr. Cam was set free and with summons to pay to pay later for his offense. And if you were curious, no, he had no weapons.

What is it like to perform in the subway for a living?

Almost everyday I pack up my guitar and cross the Hudson river from my quiet home in East Orange, NJ to go to NYC. For this is the way I make my living-- saying goodbye to the sun and fresh air and heading to the complex transportation dungeon known as the subway. There is not one day when I know what to expect, and there is not one dollar I earn that doesn't have it's own story.

Today I decided here on that I'll recall the morality that I learned in preschool--that sharing is indeed caring. So far my fans, close friends, and family have all had to catch me at some point to hear the latest story from what happened down in the subway last time I went (and questions about the subway performing in general), and I'm always willing to share. But why not give everyone the chance to read about these plot twisting eye popping journeys in the comfort of their own homes? I share because I care, but Isn't sharing much more caring when you actually deliver what you're sharing to the person's house? There's not a greater way to care!

I'm glad to have been gifted a netbook from Verizon. It's smooth, shiny, and black, and it fits right in my guitar case and is ready to be pulled out and turned on (tee-hee to dirty thoughts). This is my weapon of choice to pen the randomness of my latest subway play day for you to read. So, when on the train back home, instead of starting up conversations that are doomed to be interrupted by my having to get off the train at my stop, why not start a conversation with you right here that will potentially last for ever?

That's right. Don't forget the conversation aspect. Ask me questions. I'll answer. Make comments. I'll laugh, cry, stomp in anger, whatever the reaction is you're trying to make me have I promise I will have the exact opposite.

"But hold on Guitaro," you say. "What about allllllll the AMAZING adventures you had for the PAST YEAR from *BEFORE* you started the blogs?" Well, you'll be pleased to know that all the best subway drunks, subway fights, subway costumes, seductive subway girls, biggest subway tips, and way way more from the past will be featured in blogs with the [Flashback] tag in the title.

Also, tune in to my YouTube channel which is kind of a blog but not really. It's a series of videos with my live performances, desktop cover songs, and the G5 Subway show (a show about other subway performers I meet).

www.youtube.com/guitaro5000

For your further stalking pleasure, here I am on Facebook.

www.facebook.com/guitaro5000